There is a famous verse in Manu Smriti: यस्मात् त्रयोऽप्याश्रमिणो ज्ञानेनान्नेन चान्वहम्। गृहस्थेनैव धार्यन्ते तस्माज्ज्येष्ठाश्रमी गृही॥ ‘The grihastha is the greatest among the ashramas, because it is only the grihastha who provides food and education to the people of the other three ashramas.

The society runs on the strength of a grihastha. The quality of a society depends on the quality of the grihastha. So, great care is to be given towards enhancing the strength, quality and value of the householders’ life. In the 19th century the world saw a wonderful incarnation in the sahaja-manush or simpleman Sri Ramakrishna because of the sahaja-jeevan, simple life led by his parents Kshudhiram and Chandramani Devi. Sri Ramakrishna once said about them: ‘My mother was the personification of rectitude and gentleness. She did not know much about the ways of the world; innocent of the art of concealment, she would say what was in her mind. People loved her for open-heartedness. My father, an orthodox brahmin, … spent much of his time in worship and meditation, and in repeating God’s name and chanting His glories. Whenever in his daily prayers he invoked the Goddess Gayatri, his chest flushed and tears rolled down his cheeks. He spent his leisure hours making garlands for the family deity, Raghuvir.’¹

The genetic inheritance governed by rules of biology is equally applicable to animals and human beings. But cultural, moral and spiritual inheritance is possible only in man and this is greatly dependent on the lives of the parents. Today, when we expect moral values among our children, it is the parents who have to take the responsibility of practising these values and then leading their children on the same path. Sri Ramakrishna lived a unique householder’s life and guided countless people from different walks of life — renunciates, religious leaders, socialre formers, freedom – fighters , philanthropists, landlords, businessmen, entrepreneurs, professors, doctors, judges, government officials, actors, actresses, housewives, widows, sweepers, vagabonds, and even prostitutes—towards the fulfilment of life which lies in realisation of God. In his conversations, he repeatedly pointed out how householders could achieve this fulfilment even while living in the world. His instructions are available to us in The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, the English translation of the original Bengali book Sri Sri Ramakrishna Kathamrita written by one of his householder disciples, Sri Mahendranath Gupta, popularly known as ‘M’.

Sri Ramakrishna’s advice to householder devotees

Sri Ramakrishna’s teachings, which are recorded in The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna are mostly imparted to men devotees and visitors. This article presents some of these teachings which show the path to a fulfiling life in the world. However, for a detailed understanding of Sri Ramakrishna’s message for both men and women in the world, one should study Sri Sri Ramakrishna Lilaprasanga by Swami Saradananda (with two English translations: Sri Ramakrishna the Great Master and Sri Ramakrishna and His Divine Play), Sri Sarada Devi and Her Divine Play, The Gospel of the Holy Mother, and The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda.

Advantages of family life

Each person is unique. More so in spiritual journey. So great teachers guide an individual according to the person’s stage of evolution. Sri Ramakrishna, who came to establish the Sanatana Dharma, inspired people in the family to take advantage of being in the world and achieve God-realisation — the final attainment of life. Speaking to a group of devotees on 23 March 1884, he said: ‘Why should householders renounce the world? What great troubles the wandering monks pass through! The wife of a certain man said to him: “You want to renounce the world? Why? You will have to beg morsels from eight different homes. But here you get all your food at one place. Isn’t that nice?”… You are leading a householder’s life. That is very good. It is like fighting from a fort. There are many disadvantages in fighting in an open field. So many dangers, too. Bullets may hit you. But one should spend some time in solitude and attain Knowledge. Then one can lead the life of a householder. Janaka lived in the world after attaining Knowledge.’²

On another occasion, he told a devotee: ‘Why do you call the world a deep well or a trackless forest? An aspirant may think so in the beginning; but how can he be frightened by the world if he holds fast to God? Then he finds that— “This very world is a mansion of mirth; Here I can eat, here drink and make merry.” Why should you be frightened? Hold fast to God. What if the world is like a forest of thorns? Put on shoes and walk on the thorns. Whom should you fear?’³

Earning and handling money

Sri Ramakrishna in course of his sadhana renounced money, i.e., wealth. But he had a mature view of money: ‘Money enables a man to get food and drink, build a house, worship the Deity, serve devotees and holy men, and help the poor when he happens to meet them. These are the good uses of money. Money is not meant for luxuries or creature comforts or for buying a position in society.’⁴ When asked if one could make an effort to earn more money, he replied, ‘It is permissible to do so to maintain a religious family’, and ‘You may try to increase your income, but in an honest way.’⁵

He once cautioned ‘M’: ‘You no doubt need money for your worldly life; but don’t worry too much about it. The wise course is to accept what comes of its own accord. Don’t take too much trouble to save money. Those who surrender their heart and soul to God, those who are devoted to Him and have taken refuge in Him, do not worry much about money. As they earn so they spend. The money comes in one way and goes out the other. This is what the Gita describes as “accepting what comes of its own accord.”’⁶

To another lay-disciple he once told: ‘Those who have money should give in charity. The miser’s wealth is spirited away, but the money of the charitable person is saved. He spends it for a righteous purpose… He who gives away in charity achieves great results. He achieves the four fruits: dharma, artha, kama, and moksha.’⁷

An important point to be noted here is that the goal of life is God realization, not earning money. If we have more wealth, it has to be used in the service of God. Service of God does not mean merely going to temples and serving religious places, but it more importantly means serving all needy creatures. As Swami Vivekananda puts it दीन देवो भव, दरिद्र देवो भव, ‘Let the destitute be your God, let the poor be your God.

Managing duties and relationships

Sri Ramakrishna asked people to live in the world and at the same time fix their minds on God. He would say, ‘Fulfil your worldly duties and also think of God.’ Sri Ramakrishna was a Paramahamsa sannyasi. Yet, he did not forget to make arrangements for his wife after his passing away. He kept some money in one of his disciple’s estate from where she would draw a regular interest. His mother lived with him at Dakshineswar in her last days. Every day Sri Ramakrishna would spend time with her and render some personal service.

Service of God does not mean
merely going to temples and
serving religious places, but it
more importantly means serving
all needy creatures.

One day, Sri Ramakrishna was talking to a group of devotees which included Ram, Girindra and ‘M’. Ram’s family was passing through an unhappy situation because of his father’s second wife and he made unpleasant comments on his father and step-mother. Accepting the reality, Sri Ramakrishna suggested: ‘Then build them a separate home. That will be a different thing. You will defray their monthly expenses. How worthy of worship one’s parents are!’⁸ Then to ‘M’, who was living separately with his wife and children he said reproachfully: ‘And let me say this to you. Your father and mother brought you up. You yourself are the father of several children. Yet you have left home with your wife. You have cheated your parents. You have come away with your wife and children, and you feel you have become a holy man. Your father doesn’t need any money from you; otherwise I should have cried, “Shame on you!”’⁹

For those who sought to achieve the highest spiritual realisation, Sri Ramakrishna strongly advocated complete renunciation of ‘lust and greed.’ But to householders he advocated: ‘Your path, again, as a married man is to live with your wife just as brother and sister, after one or two children are born to you, and pray to the Lord constantly that both of you may have the strength to live a perfect life of spirituality and selfcontrol.’¹⁰ He described a good wife thus: ‘A good wife, has very little lust and anger. She sleeps little. She pushes her husband’s head away from her. She is full of affection, kindness, devotion, modesty, and other noble qualities. Such a wife serves all, looking on all men as her children. Further, she helps increase her husband’s love for God. She doesn’t spend much money lest her husband should have to work hard and thus not get leisure to think of God.’¹¹

‘How long should a man feel obliged to do his duty toward his wife and children?’ asked ‘M’ one day. Sri Ramakrishna replied, ‘As long as they feel pinched for food and clothing. But one need not take the responsibility of a son when he is able to support himself. When the young fledgling learns to pick its own food, its mother pecks it if it comes to her for food.’¹²

Mutual love, care and concern is the secret for a happy family life and Sri Ramakrishna time and again advised his devotees to live in harmony with others. Yet he emphatically told them that there should be no compromise if someone stood on their path of God realisation. To a young devotee who wanted to lead a spiritual life he said, ‘Show great devotion to your parents; but don’t obey them if they stand in your way to God. You must gird your loins with great determination and say, “This rogue of a father!”’¹³ On another occasion he said, ‘There is no harm in disobeying your elders for the sake of God. For Rama’s sake, Bharat did not obey his mother Kaikeyi. The gopis did not obey their husbands when they were forbidden to visit Krishna. Prahlada disobeyed his father for God. Bali disregarded the words of Sukracharya, his teacher, in order to please God. Vibhishana went against the wishes of Ravana, his elder brother, to please Rama. But you must obey your elders in all other things.’¹⁴ Similar was his advice for husband and wife.

When you feed your child, you
should feel that you are feeding
God

Divinising relationships

One way to turn our mind towards God, is to divinise our family relationships. Sri Ramakrishna advised the devotees: ‘When you feed your child, you should feel that you are feeding God. You should look upon your father and mother as veritable manifestations of God and the Divine Mother, and serve them as such. If a man enters the world after realizing God, he does not generally keep up physical relations with his wife. Both of them are devotees; they love to talk only of God and pass their time in spiritual conversation. They serve other devotees of God, for they know that God alone has become all living beings; and, knowing this, they devote their lives to the service of others.’¹⁵

A lady devotee of Sri Ramakrishna faced a problem during her meditation and felt disappointed. She used to look after her babynephew and his face would flash during meditation instead of her chosen deity. Sri Ramakrishna suggested her to consider the boy as baby Krishna. And this turned an apparently worldly activity into constant companionship with the Lord.

Enlightened citizenship and spiritual illumination

Pandit Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar the great scholar, educationist, reformer and philanthropist of Bengal was a household name for his charity, generosity and compassion. Sri Ramakrishna visited him on 5 Aug 1882 and in the course of conversation told him: ‘The activities that you are engaged in are good. … It is very good if you can perform them in a selfless spirit, renouncing egotism, giving up the idea that you are the doer. Through such action one develops love and devotion to God, and ultimately realizes Him. … By these philanthropic activities you are really doing good to yourself. … There is gold buried in your heart, but you are not yet aware of it… Go forward… God can be seen. One can talk to him as I am talking to you.’¹⁶

Later Sri Ramakrishna advised a group of devotees: ‘Remember that daya, compassion, and maya, attachment, are two different things. Attachment means the feeling of “my-ness” toward one’s relatives. It is the love one feels for one’s parents, one’s brother, one’s sister, one’s wife and children. Compassion is the love one feels for all beings of the world. It is an attitude of equality. If you see anywhere an instance of compassion, as in Vidyasagar, know that it is due to the grace of God. Through compassion one serves all beings. Maya also comes from God. Through maya God makes one serve one’s relatives. But one thing should be remembered: maya keeps us in ignorance and entangles us in the world, whereas daya makes our hearts pure and gradually unties our bonds.’¹⁷

Thus we find that if we expand ourselves in service of the greater society beyond the limited family, we will be ready to see God. A little spiritual discipline will then unlock the treasure within.

Hiss but not bite

In this creation of God, people are of various nature — the good and the wicked, the holy and the unholy. Questions arise about how to deal with this variety when God dwells in all. Sri Ramakrishna gave a very pragmatic answer: ‘You may be intimate only with good people; you must keep away from the evil-minded. God is even in the tiger; but you cannot embrace the tiger on that account. You may say, “Why run away from a tiger, which is also a manifestation of God?” The answer to that is: “Those who tell you to run away are also manifestations of God— and why shouldn’t you listen to them?”… Some water is fit to be used for worship, some water for washing the face, and some only for washing plates or dirty linen. This last sort cannot be used for drinking or for a holy purpose. In like manner, God undoubtedly dwells in the hearts of all— holy and unholy, righteous and unrighteous; but a man should not have dealings with the unholy, the wicked, the impure. He must not be intimate with them. With some of them he may exchange words, but with others he shouldn’t go even that far. He should keep aloof from such people…. A man living in society should make a show of tamas to protect himself from evil-minded people…. You must hiss at wicked people. You must frighten them lest they should do you harm. But never inject your venom into them. One must not injure others.’¹⁸

Maya keeps us in ignorance and
entangles us in the world,
whereas Daya makes our hearts
pure and gradually unties our
bonds

Be a devotee, not a fool

Though immersed in spiritual ecstasy, Sri Ramakrishna was never careless about matters of life. He would keep his room orderly, things in proper place. He instructed his disciples to inspect things thoroughly before they purchase anything and also get the benefits of sale if available. Once a devotee bought, with one pice, 6 betel leaves while generally 10 were sold. Sri Ramakrishna scolded, ‘Be a devotee, but don’t be foolish. Don’t get cheated. If you have extra, distribute it to others but never be cheated.’¹⁹

Becoming a man and practice of Truth

How do we define a human being? Sri Ramakrishna defined thus: ‘Man should possess dignity and alertness. Only he whose spiritual consciousness is awakened possesses this dignity and alertness and can be called a man. Futile is the human birth without the awakening of spiritual consciousness.’²⁰ And practice of truthfulness alone can lead to this spiritual awakening, as Sri Ramakrishna repeatedly pointed out: ‘Truthfulness in speech is the tapasya of the Kaliyuga. It is difficult to practice other austerities in this cycle.… Even those engaged in worldly activities, such as office work or business, should hold to the truth…. God can be realized through truth alone.’ ²¹ Even in trivial matters, Sri Ramakrishna would hold on to truth as revealed in an incident narrated by himself: ‘Once I went to Ram’s house in Calcutta. I happened to say, ‘I shall not take any luchi.’ When I sat down for the meal I felt hungry. But I had said I would not eat the luchi; so I had to fill my stomach with sweets.’²²

Churn the butter

One single note we find in the teachings of Sri Ramakrishna is that god-realisation should be the goal of human life. But there are challenges. Comparing the mind with milk, he taught: ‘If you keep the mind in the world, which is like water, then the milk and water will get mixed. That is why people keep milk in a quiet place and let it set into curd, and then churn butter from it. Likewise, through spiritual disciplines practiced in solitude, churn the butter of knowledge and devotion from the milk of the mind. Then that butter can easily be kept in the water of the world. It will not get mixed with the world. The mind will float detached on the water of the world.’²³

Butter is the product of milk. The liquid milk naturally gets mixed with water and becomes diluted. But the same milk when boiled and mixed with curd, changes its very nature. In the same way an untrained mind gets mixed with the world, whereas a trained mind lives in the very same world with a saintly detachment. In the example of Dharmavyadha from Mahabharata, we understand that his mind had become butter. Though a butcher by profession, he had a deep spiritual knowledge which is reflected in the Vyadha Gita.

In the very beginning of his association with Sri Ramakrishna, ‘M’ asked four vital questions as if on behalf of humanity:

‘How, sir, may we fix our minds on God?’

‘How ought we to live in the world?’

‘Is it possible to see God?’

‘Under what conditions does one see God?’

Sri Ramakrishna’s replies to these questions provide the methods to churn the butter of knowledge and devotion from the milk of the mind.

How to fix our mind on God?

Sri Ramakrishna recommended four spiritual practices to fix our mind on God:²⁴

‘Repeat God’s name and sing His glories.’

‘Keep holy company— now and then visit God’s devotees and holy men.’

‘Go into solitude now and then and think of God.’

‘Always discriminate between the real and the unreal. God alone is real, the Eternal Substance; all else is unreal, that is, impermanent.

Even as Vedanta prescribes the sadhana chatushtaya, Sri Ramakrishna prescribed these four sadhanas suited to devotees in the modern world.

In this world every action produces results, good or bad. Every karma that we do produces karmaphala or fruits of action. From a seed comes the tree. In turn the tree produces thousands of seeds. These seeds in turn give rise to hundreds of trees. In the same way karma and karmaphala form a vicious circle. The only way we can come out of this cycle of karma is by taking the name of the Lord.

We have to exhaust all the karmaphala of all the accumulated karmas carried from many births to attain mukti. But this is beyond human effort. Hence God, being kapalamochana, destroyer of sins, will wipe out our sanchita karmas, accumulated karmaphala, and lead us towards mukti.

While narrating the demon Raktabijasura’s battle with the Divine Mother, the Durga Saptashati states that from every drop of the demon’s blood that fell on the ground another Raktabijasura was born! Then Mother Kali stretched out her tongue and did not allow the blood drops to fall on the ground and then the demon was finally vanquished. In the same way, God’s name swallows the fruits of our action and leads us to mukti.

The company of holy men and devotees begets yearning for God, inspires us to chant the holy name and helps cultivate discrimination between the real and the unreal and handle our desires. The fledgling and tender plant of love of God needs fencing before it grows into a big tree. Retreating into solitude and thinking of God gives this fencing. Sri Ramakrishna advised: ‘If you ask me how long you should live in solitude away from your family, I should say that it would be good for you if you could spend even one day in such a manner. Three days at a time are still better. One may live in solitude for twelve days, a month, three months, or a year according to one’s convenience and ability.’²⁵

How to live in the world?

Sri Ramakrishna’s advice was:

‘Do all your duties, but keep your mind on God.’

‘Live with all— with wife and children, father and mother— and serve them. Treat them as if they were very dear to you, but know in your heart of hearts that they do not belong to you.’²⁶

The fledgling and tender plant of
love of God needs fencing before
it grows into a big tree.
Retreating into solitude and
thinking of God gives this
fencing.

Then using the similes of a maidservant and a tortoise, he explained: ‘A maidservant in the house of a rich man performs all the household duties, but her thoughts are fixed on her own home in her native village. She brings up her master’s children as if they were her own. She even speaks of them as ‘my Rāma’ or ‘my Hari’. But in her own mind she knows very well that they do not belong to her at all. The tortoise moves about in the water. But can you guess where her thoughts are? They are on the bank, where her eggs are lying.’²⁷

A famous verse in Hitopadesha says,

वनेऽपि दोषा प्रभवन्ति रागिणां
गृहेषु सर्वेन्द्रिय निग्रहस्तपः ।
अकुत्सिते कर्माणि यः प्रर्वतते
निवृत्तरागस्य गृहं तपोवनम् ।।

‘A person with worldly attachments will experience troubles even in the forest; living at home with all the senses under control is tapas or spiritual austerity. For one who is engaged in unblemished actions and free from attachments, the very home becomes a tapovana.’

Seeing God: The conditions

Sri Ramakrishna always gave an emphatic ‘yes’ to the question if we could see God. When ‘M’ asked under what conditions one could see God, Sri Ramakrishna answered it with one word – vyakulata or intense yearning. He said: ‘ Cry to the Lord with an intensely yearning heart and you will certainly see Him. People shed a whole jug of tears for wife and children. They swim in tears for money. But who weeps for God? Cry to Him with a real cry.’²⁸ Then he gives a measure of this yearning: ‘God reveals Himself to a devotee who feels drawn to Him by the combined force of these three attractions: the attraction of worldly possessions for the worldly man, the child’s attraction for its mother, and the husband’s attraction for the chaste wife. If one feels drawn to Him by the combined force of these three attractions, then through it one can attain Him. The point is, to love God…’²⁹

Sri Ramakrishna did not prescribe leaving home and becoming an ascetic or reading a lot of scriptures or going on pilgrimages or performing religious rituals as conditions to see God. Wherever we may be in society, if we have this vyakulata we are sure to see God.

Faith in God’s name and positive attitude

Girish Chandra Ghosh, the famous dramatist led a reckless life before coming in contact with Sri Ramakrishna. Sri Ramakrishna’s touch completely transformed him into a great devotee of the Lord. On 14 December 1884 Sri Ramakrishna visited Star Theatre to see a play on Prahlada, the great devotee of Sri Vishnu. There took place an interesting conversation between Girish and Sri Ramakrishna:

‘Sri Ramakrishna: Have faith in the Divine Mother and you will attain everything.

Girish: But I am a sinner.

Sri Ramakrishna: The wretch who constantly harps on sin becomes a sinner

Girish: Sir, the very ground where I used to sit would become unholy.

Sri Ramakrishna: How can you say that? Suppose a light is brought into a room that has been dark a thousand years; Does it illumine the room little by little, or all in a flash?’³⁰

Sri Ramakrishna always emphasized on keeping faith in the power of God’s name and in the guru and a positive outlook on life. He once told a Brahmo-spiritual leader, ‘Will you tell me one thing? Why did you harp so much on sin? By repeating a hundred times, “I am a sinner”, one verily becomes a sinner. One should have such faith as to be able to say, “What? I have taken the name of God; how can I be a sinner?” God is our Father and Mother. Tell Him, “O Lord, I have committed sins, but I won’t repeat them.” Chant His name and purify your body and mind. Purify your tongue by singing God’s holy name.’³¹

Message of hope and assurance

Sri Ramakrishna was quite aware of the problems one has to face in family life — disease, grief, poverty, misunderstanding with one’s spouse and children and the like. Of course in addition to them we have now to face the distractions posed by modern media. It is not always easy to manage all the affairs of life peacefully and snatch time to practice spiritual discipline. To a devotee, who complained of not having time, Sri Ramakrishna compassionately told: ‘Those who have the time must meditate and worship. But those who cannot possibly do so must bow down whole-heartedly to God twice a day. He abides in the hearts of all; He knows that worldly people have many things to do. What else is possible for them? You don’t have time to pray to God; therefore, give Him the power of attorney. But all is in vain unless you attain God and see Him.’³²

Purify your
tongue by
singing God’s
holy name

Praising another devotee, he said: ‘Though you are a householder, still you have kept your mind on God. Is that a small thing? The man who has renounced the world will pray to Him as a matter of course. Is there any credit in that? But blessed indeed is he who, while leading a householder’s life, prays to God. He is like a man who finds an object after removing a stone weighing twenty maunds.’³³

If we have the zeal to lead an ideal life, Sri Ramakrishna is eternally present to help us. With this hope let us walk towards light!

References

1) The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna (Originally recorded in Bengali by M., a disciple of the Master). [hereafter Gospel], Trans. by Swami Nikhilananda, Chennai: Sri Ramakrishna Math, 2012, p.3
2) Gospel. p.411
3) Gospel. p.714
4) Gospel. p.285
5) Gospel. p.114
6) Gospel. p.506
7) Gospel. p.696
8) Gospel. p.424
9) Gospel. p.424
10) The Condensed Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna (According to M., a son of the Lord and disciple). [hereafter Condensed Gospel]. Chennai: Sri Ramakrishna Math, 1993, p.280
11) Gospel. pp.701-702
12) Gospel. p.114
13) Gospel. p.755
14) Gospel. pp.722- 723
15) Gospel. p.326
16) Gospel. p.108
17) Gospel. p.161
18) Gospel. pp.84-86
19) Mahendra Nath Gupta (M.) The Recorder of The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna. Swami Chetanananda, Kolkata: Advaita Ashrama, 2011, p.339
20) Gospel. p.844
21) Gospel. p. 749, 177, 418
22) Gospel. pp.418-419
23) Gospel. p.313
24) Gospel. p.81
25) Gospel. p.313
26) Gospel. p.81
27) Gospel. p.81
28) Gospel. p.83
29) Gospel. p.83
30) Gospel. p.679
31) Gospel. p.159
32) Gospel. p.385
33) Gospel. p.821-822

Source : Vedanta Kesari, December, 2019